A family caregiver’s job, by definition, is already a difficult one. Time away from work and family, and the worry of caring for a senior adult take a toll. But when you consider that many seniors often resist help, that job becomes overwhelming.
A study of family caregivers conducted for the Home Instead Senior Care® network revealed that 51 percent said that their aging relative was very resistant to care. These seniors often object to help whether it’s from a family caregiver or a professional. This is a real problem for family caregivers worried about the safety of a senior loved one.
Resistance is at the root of many senior-care issues. Why? If seniors admit they need help, they feel their independence is in question. They believe once they acknowledge they need help, they’ll lose control of their affairs. They are trying to maintain dignity. Unless they feel they can trust someone, they resist change. It’s the fear that life as they’ve known it will be taken away from them.
Most caregivers can go into “crisis mode” to rally around a loved one in the short-term, but they can't be totally immersed in crisis mode long-term without their own family, work and health suffering according to family caregiving consultant Dr. Amy D’Aprix, author of From Surviving to Thriving: Transforming Your Caregiving Experience.
The strain can take a particular toll on working family caregivers. The Home Instead study revealed 42 percent of family caregivers spend 30+ hours a week- the equivalent of a second full-time job- caregiving. Their own personal health and job were affected with 58 percent getting ill more frequently. Furthermore, 81 percent say their loved ones’ needs are becoming overwhelming compared with 73 percent who thought so just four years earlier.
These strategies may lessen resistance:
1. Understand the source of the resistance.
2. Explain your goals. Reassure them you have the same goal of keeping them at home longer while giving you both peace of mind.
3. If necessary bring in professional help, such as a geriatric care manager.
4. Research local options. The book Stagesof Senior Care: Your Step-by-Step Guide to Making the Best Decisions by Paul and Lori Hogan is a great resource for options.
5. Respect a senior’s decisions. Unless they have dementia, they have a right to make the final decision about care, even if a family caregiver or professional doesn’t agree.
The battle to turn resistance into assistance can be fierce. Education can help arm family caregivers with the tools they need. Materials and videos on Caring for Your Parents: Education for the Family CaregiverSM are available at www.caregiverstress.com.
