Make Life Easier for Yourself and Those You Love

To have the best future, plan for retirement today! You want to have a comfortable, exciting retirement, but what if you have an accident or chronic debilitating illness? In preparing for the worst, you will be prepared for the best. How do you prepare? (1)Prioritize: Consider your basic needs, excluding food and other essentials. What can you not live without? What can you give up? (2) If buying a home, think of your needs 10-15 years from now. For example, consider lever handles, an accessible kitchen, bathrooms with comfort height toilets, low curb showers with a seat and framing for grab bars, wider doors (including closets), eliminating stairs or locating space for an elevator or chair lift. (3) If renovating, consult an architect regarding universal design to make life easier. (4) Investigate long term care insurance and reverse mortgages as financial resources. (5) Have a current will, a Living Will, a Medical Power of Attorney, and a Financial Power of Attorney. (6) Advise your family about the location of your important assets and documents, including insurance, banking, estate plans, investments, trusts, your funeral arrangements and final instructions.

Sometimes making these plans is very difficult depending on your relationship with your parents or adult children. Is your relationship that of parent-child or have you moved to a peer-peer relationship? Knowing the correct way to begin a conversation of this nature can lead to peace of mind for everyone. For you, it means maintaining your independence as long as possible and having your wishes known and respected. For your children, it is a great gift and relieves the burden of having to make these decisions for you. Today is the best day to begin!!!

Avoiding family conflict with caring for a parent

Family caregiving can be stressful under any circumstances. Family conflicts may occur when parents and siblings have not discussed important things, such as the location of documents, i.e., wills, powers of attorney (financial and health care), insurance policies, stocks/bonds/other investments, financial information (banking institutions, types of accounts, loans) and end of life scenarios determining their wishes.

It is desirable to have these discussions with your parents and jointly agreeing on the most desirable course of action before a time of crisis when they may be cognitively impaired or cannot make the decision themselves. Unfortunately, when adult children have not spoken to their parents or each other before such an event, they may find themselves at odds when decisions must be made quickly.

As a parent ages questions arise such as: Where will he or she live? Who will be the primary caregiver? How will the workload be divided? What if several siblings live a distance away? How can all share the responsibility?

Based on research done by Home Instead Senior Care and the Boomer Project, in 43 percent of U.S. families, the primary responsibility for providing most, or all, of the care falls on one sibling - most often a daughter in her 50s living nearby.

How can siblings better share the care?

First, talk and listen. Ninety percent of seniors want to remain independent at home, so children must know the parent's wishes. Ask the "what if" questions. Openly communicate your understanding of the parent's needs and wants.

Second, research options. Know the in-home care providers, care communities and agencies providing other senior services where the parent lives.

Third, plan ahead before the need arises. You can rest assured that if all are in agreement regarding the decisions you are about to make, everyone will have peace of mind.

Fourth, be flexible. The needs of seniors change as they age. Siblings should recognize one another's skills, interests and availability and decide the role of each.

Fifth, be honest. If you're the primary caregiver and it's getting to be too much, ask your siblings for help! Be specific in stating what your needs are and how they can help. If they are unwilling to help, there are quality in-home care agencies that can.

For more information about how to begin conversations with your parent (the 40/70 Rule) or with your siblings regarding sharing the care of a parent (the 50/50 rule), visit www.caregiverstress.com.

Article originally appeared Tuesday, May 17th, 2011 in the Bluffton Sun.

New Home Instead Senior Care Survey/Web Data Indicate Stress Takes a Dramatic Toll on Those Caring for Older Adults

A recent stress test conducted by the Home Instead Senior Care® network demonstrated that of the family caregivers who participated, more than three-fourths (77 percent) reported their aging loved one’s needs to be overwhelming, 90 percent said they have episodes of feeling anxious or irritable, 77 percent say caregiving is taking a toll on their family lives, and 56 percent seem to become ill more frequently.

“Every day we encounter these family caregivers who love and want the best for their aging family members, but don’t know how to fit it all in,” said Jeff Huber, President and Chief Operating Officer of the Home Instead Senior Care network. “For these people, stress is a constant companion.” read more