Sharing Responsibilities of Caregiving

Consider the following scenario: Mom is late stage Alzheimer’s and lives with Dad in a small town.  The four adult children live several hours away.  After a recent visit by the oldest daughter, it has become apparent that Mom has declined significantly.  Dad is exhausted.  The daughter has contacted her siblings and expressed concern about both parents and her anxiety about what needs to be done to help them.  What’s next? A family meeting to discuss how to best handle a loved one’s declining health has the potential to build bridges or create divisions among family members.  Here is a guide for a successful meeting.

First, get all family members involved. No exceptions.  Having a clear purpose, a convenient time and location, and an attitude of teamwork motivates people to attend.  Distance can be overcome  via a conference phone call  or internet conference, such as Skype or Facetime. Since Mom’s  dementia makes her incompetent to make decisions, Dad should hire a caregiver so he can fully participate. Discussion topics may include: personal care, finance/billpaying, transportation, cleaning, groceries/cooking, legal issues, doctors’ appointments, safety, emotional support and housing. Discussing everyone’s expectations creates an atmosphere of honesty and a willingness to listen to each other. Though this discussion may produce awkward and uncomfortable feelings for some family members, it helps to acknowledge and accept each person’s feelings.

Written communication is vital.  Designate a note taker who takes minutes.  At the end of the meeting, copies should be sent to everyone to avoid any misunderstanding.

Second, organize.  Questions to discuss: What are our options? What do we need to know? “What if”____ happens? What can each of us contribute? Who else needs to be involved? How will scheduling or emergencies be handled?  What community resources are available?  Is it time for outside help? Talking in advance about difficult situations will lessen future problems and clarify communications.  Assess the best use of family members skills and record who is agreeing to take responsibility for each area discussed.  

Third, analyze.  Gaining factual knowledge. Agree ahead of time that everyone will try to work together and acknowledge that adjustments will have to be made. Analyze and reassess the plan as the situation progresses.

Fourth, recognize.  Emotional factors underlie all family meetings. Members may be at different places emotionally. Respect the other person’s right to express feelings, even to say no. Use effective communication techniques such as using “I statements” and empathetic listening to strengthen relationships. Recognize the grieving process - with all its emotional stages - is already happening. 

Resources:  Stages of Senior Care: Your Step-by-Step Guide to Making the Best Decisions by Paul and Lori Hogan; www.caregiverstress.com and www.HelpforAlzheimersFamilies.com for videos and education, caregiving tips, elearning course for Alzheimer’s and other helpful resources.

Rachel Carson is a Certified Senior Advisor and owner of Home Instead Senior Care.

Craving Companionship

It’s dinnertime. Do you know what’s on the menu at your parents or a senior friend’s house? If they are home alone, chances are they might not be eating a healthy meal at all.

According to research conducted for Home Instead Senior Care, lack of companionship is the biggest mealtime challenge for seniors.  In the United States, approximately 40 percent of the population age 75 and older – 6.7 million people – lives alone, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.

Many seniors need help planning and preparing nutritious meals. But that’s only part of the story. So many older adults want good-tasting, nutritious home-cooked meals and stimulating conversation shared with family and friends.

 “Who likes to eat alone?  Nobody,” said Sandy Markwood, Chief Executive Officer (CEO) of the National Association of Area Agencies on Aging (n4a). “We know from the popular home-delivered meals program, also known as ‘Meals On Wheels^®’ that companionship is among the most important needs of seniors. Older adults often look forward to the delivery driver as much as the meal.”

Older adults who live alone face a number of nutritional challenges. Following are the top 8 along with tips on how to help:

1. Lack of companionship - Tip: If you can’t be there regularly, seek alternative options, such as friends and neighbors, church dinners, senior centers or Meals on Wheels. The local Area Agency on Aging can help with discovering options. 
2. Cooking for one - Tip: Buy fresh, when possible, or frozen (not processed) foods including fruits and vegetables.  Freeze leftovers in small portions. Buy healthier low-sodium dinners for one.
3. 3. Transportation - Tip: This can be a big issue for seniors. Contact the local Area Agency on Aging, a non-medical agency, such as Home Instead Senior Care or engage neighborhood support systems when possible.
4. Eating three meals a day - Tip: So many seniors are on prescription medications that must be taken with or without food. Coordinate the food plan with the medication plan.
5. Relying too much on convenience food - Tip: Talk with a nutritionist and learn to read labels. Determine the difference between foods that are good and bad for them.
6. Loss of appetite - Tip: Make mealtimes an event. Pull out a favorite recipe, help that senior prepare a meal, get out the good dishes and decorate the table with flowers.
7. Eating too much food - Tip: The bigger issue is eating too much of the wrong types of food. Buy healthier choices.
8. Eating too little food - Tip: Check with the doctor to learn about supplemental products that could ensure an older adult is getting the proper nutrition.

Of all the challenges, loneliness could be the most daunting. We know from experience families often lack the time to help their aging parents. However 59 percent of seniors say they eat more nutritiously when family and friends are around. They really enjoy having that connection with someone, whether it’s a family caregiver or a professional CAREGiver^SM.

A Salute to Senior Service

We live in an area where seniors are actively involved in all aspects of the community. According to research conducted by the Home Instead Senior Care network, fifty-two percent of United States seniors volunteer their time through unpaid community service. These silent heroes give selflessly, expecting nothing in return. And yet, their contributions often make a difference, not only to the organizations they serve, but in changing how the public views growing older. For volunteer opportunities in the Bluffton, Hilton Head area one has only to go online to see 69 or more postings, not including those with local hospitals.

The search is on for South Carolina’s most outstanding senior volunteer! Through the Salute to Senior Service^SM program, sponsored by Home Instead, Inc., the franchisor of the Home Instead Senior Care^® network serving the Lowcountry, the contributions of adults 65 and older who give at least 15 hours a month of volunteer service to their favorite causes are honored.

Nominations for outstanding senior volunteers will be accepted between Feb. 1 and March 31, 2013. State winners then will be selected by popular vote at www.SalutetoSeniorService.com. Online voting will take place from April 15 to April 30, 2013. From those state winners, a panel of senior care experts will pick the national Salute to Senior Service honoree. Home Instead, Inc. will donate $500 to each of the state winners’ favorite nonprofit organizations and their stories will be posted on the Salute to Senior Service Wall of Fame. In addition, $5,000 will be donated to the national winner’s nonprofit charity of choice.

Do you know a senior who is making a difference through volunteer service? Senior care professionals and those who work at hospitals, senior care communities and other places where seniors volunteer are encouraged to nominate older adults. So, too, are family caregivers and the adult children of aging parents. Older adults also may self-nominate.

To view the contest’s official rules and complete and submit a nomination online, visit www.SalutetoSeniorService.com. Or mail completed nomination forms to Salute to Senior Service, P.O. Box 285, Bellevue, NE 68005.

For more information about Salute to Senior Service or the Home Instead Senior Care network’s services, call 843-842-3372.

Rachel Carson, Certified Senior Advisor, is the owner of Home Instead Senior Care serving the Lowcountry since 1997.