Family caregiving can be
stressful under any circumstances. Family
conflicts may occur when the parent and siblings have not discussed important
things, such as the location of documents, i.e., wills, powers of attorney
(financial and health care), insurance policies, stocks/bonds/other investments,
financial information (banking institutions, types of accounts, loans) and end
of life scenarios determining their wishes. It is desirable to have these
discussions with your parent and jointly agreeing on the most desirable course
of action before a time of crisis when they may be cognitively impaired or cannot
make the decision themselves. Unfortunately when adult children have not spoken
to their parent or each other before such an event, they may find themselves at
odds when decisions must be made quickly.
As a parent ages questions arise
such as: Where will they live? Who will be the primary caregiver? How will the
workload be divided? What if several siblings
live a distance away? How can they share
the responsibility? Based on research
done by Home Instead Senior Care and the Boomer Project, in 43% of U. S.
families, the primary responsibility for providing most, or all, of the care
falls on one sibling- most often a daughter in her 50’s living nearby.
How can siblings better share the
care?
First – talk and listen. 90% of
seniors want to remain independent at home, so know your parent’s wishes. Ask
the “what if” questions. Openly communicate your understanding of their needs
and wishes.
Second - research options. Know the
in-home care providers, care communities and agencies providing other senior
services where they live.
Third – plan ahead before the need
arises. You can rest assured that if all are in agreement regarding the
decisions you are about to make, everyone will have peace of mind.
Forth- be flexible. The needs of seniors change as they age. Siblings
should recognize each other’s skills, interests and availability and decide the
role of each.
Fifth - be honest. If you’re the primary caregiver and it’s
getting to be too much, ask your siblings for help! Be specific in stating what your needs are
and how they can help. If they are
unwilling, there are quality in-home care agencies that can.
For additional information about
how to begin conversations with your parent (the 40/70 Rule) or with your
siblings regarding sharing the care of a parent (the 50/50 rule), visit www.caregiverstress.com.
